


Illeh - Emotions

by MyrddinDerwydd



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Andromeda
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Kett (Mass Effect)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:40:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27599716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyrddinDerwydd/pseuds/MyrddinDerwydd
Summary: Exploring emotions with Jaal's character that aren't often portrayed in fanfic.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 13





	1. Forske - Ferocity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _forske_ \- n, adj - fierce, ferocity, intense, intensity
> 
> Gender neutral Ryder

_Crack!_

Jaal landed on the kett feet first, slamming its deformed body into the ground so hard its neck snapped. Black blood gurgled from their mouth, staining the snow. The kett 'Chosen' a few yards in front of them had slightly broader curves and lighter plating than the 'Anointed' troop beneath his feet. Fury boiled through Jaal as the kett turned, and they launched themself forward with a yell that crackled into bioelectricity. Energy coursed into the long _firaan_ in Jaal's hand, making it vibrate.

The kett's blackened face contorted as it fired its weapon at point blank range. The force of the shot clipped Jaal's hip, twisting them in the air as the blade sunk deep into the unarmored throat of their enemy. They ripped the blade sideways, teeth bared as putrid, corrupted blood sprayed their face from the body of one who used to be angara. One who was _Kapisholaon._ Jaal slammed the body against the cargo container and it tried to scream, severed windpipe gaping as it slumped to the ground.

 _They cannot be rescued,_ Jaal reminded themself for the hundredth time as they stalked away. _They are lost._ Disgust and rage roiled through their _tsiddvfira,_ flaring out into their armor and recharging their depleted shields in an instant. The sound of weapons fire was dying down in the center of the encampment they were raiding.

Cora's voice sounded grim over the comms as she called for them to regroup. Jaal reached them in time to see Ryder angrily fling a small object - it looked like a blade - into a kett corpse. More bodies were heaped in the center of the barricaded area... angaran bodies.

"I'm so sorry, Jaal." Ryder's voice wavered, grief clear in the sound. "We were too slow. They saw us coming, or they got vindictive, I don't know."

Six bodies bore deep wounds on their throats, eerily similar to the wounds Jaal had inflicted on their kett captors. Six angara lay in the blue-stained snow, still bound in energy shackles. _The kett murdered them. Captured them. Killed them._ Jaal still simmered with rage. The anguish they had felt after the devastating truth of the kett exaltation facility had burned away. _At least their spirits are free. May their descendants feel the freedom of their sacrifice._

Snow drifted down on the curve of Jaal's bare, lavender head as they stood beside six cold, snowy graves a short while later. It was the only practical answer on Voeld, and some angara believed very strongly that their bodies should be buried. They had scanned them, in the the hope of bringing the sad news to their families. _At least they will have closure. I hope that my_ bosen _did not die alone._ The thought of their father fueled their determination.

_"Neranini'do gave naring pas gaddol tev faarl wddy aavoh." Jaal's deep voice resonated in the icy air._

"May their spirits find peace and strength on the wind," Cora murmured, repeating Jaal's words. "Like drifting seeds, or soaring birds. I like that."


	2. Uncertainty - lovvann

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chest is a sensitive erogenous zone for angara, especially the knobby ends of the _jinesh_ and the recessed area in between. Since the _taon_ (generates bioelectricity) is located in this area too, bioelectric signals are felt very intensely. _Taosovos_ (sharing emotions via bioelectricity) with your hand on someone else's chest is very intimate symbolically and physically. An _ushey_ is a kiss with the mouth, while _untao_ is known as a kiss with bioelectricity, but is much more intimate and serious than simply _taosovos_ or _ushey._
> 
> Many thanks to DispatchwithLove for betaing this chapter!

Ryder's lopsided grin should have been a warning, but Jaal still rocked back with the impact of the embrace. They wrapped their arms around each other, heedless of the barely warm storeroom they were in. It just felt _good_ to hold Ryder close, to enjoy the touch of their hands curving up to the backs of their shoulders, the press of Ryder's smoother chest against the curves and knobs of their own, the scents of warm skin and cold snow.

"We made it, Jaal." Ryder pulled away slightly, hands rising to rest on Jaal's shoulders, then their lips were on Jaal's, a firm hungry kiss that drove thoughts of the mission from Jaal's mind. Pure delight shot into the current of _tsiddvfira_ around Jaal's body, mild enough that shocking Ryder wasn't a concern.

A quiet laugh turned Ryder's lips up against their own. "I can feel that Jaal, it tingles, races along my skin." Ryder murmured, pulling back slightly.

Jaal tilted their head to brush noses with Ryder, broad and flat against triangular. "I wish you could truly feel it. _Taosovos,_ " Jaal murmured, a touch of sorrow flickering through their _tsiddvfira._

"I can tell you're enjoying yourself," Ryder retorted gently, running their hands over Jaal's shoulders and the outer curve of their _jinesh_.

Jaal chuckled, their voice low and breathy against Ryder's lips. "How do you know? Maybe I just want to devour you..." Ryder's incredulous laugh was a delight to hear. "In all the best ways."

"How is that different?" Ryder teased.

"Hmmm..." Jaal slid their hands slowly down Ryder's back. "Intensity?"

"Ahh, I like that..." Ryder pulled back for a second, smirking at them with an unfamiliar look in their eyes. "I like it when you're intense...."

They continued exploring each other's mouths for a while, Jaal's breath mixing with Ryder's, condensing in the air. They had hooked a long leg around the back of Ryder's, hips fitted together neatly as Ryder pinned them against the wall. Jaal was exploring Ryder's back with both hands, stroking the smooth curve of their spine through the snug underarmor they wore. Warm sounds of encouragement hummed against lips, slender, strong hands slid under the belts around their waist, needy touches pressed fingertips into muscles...

Jaal's breath hitched, blood flooding to the curve of their _jinesh_ and darkening their cheeks. _Stars above, that's my..._ Ryder's left hand caressed the knobbed end of their _jinesh_ , over their _taon_. Even worse, they were sliding their right hand up along the flat of Jaal's stomach into the deep crevasse over their heart. _What should I do? I'm not ready for_ untao _with Ryder... am I? Is it even the same? They can't feel my_ taosovos, _they don't have bioelectricity for me to feel... Black night_ ushey _is different from_ untao...

"What's wrong?" Ryder pulled back from the kiss, hands still pressed to Jaal's chest. They glanced around the room, ready to jump back into action, but there was nothing to see. No running Resistance soldiers, no bleeding companions. Just Jaal, shifting against them uncertainly. "Do we need to go?"

"Ahh, mmh," Jaal fumbled, breathing hard. _Untao_ was very intimate, more than a simple _ushey_ kiss, more than sex. A depth of sharing your emotions, _taong_ together or hands over hearts - those experiences were rare and _very_ memorable. _Is it even possible with a human??_

"Stars above, I don't know what to..." Jaal took one look into Ryder's confused narrow face, with no _jinesh,_ feeling not a hint of emotion through their touch, not a flicker of the _taosovos_ they craved to share. Jaal searched desperately, trying to read more than what they saw, to sense what another angara would be sharing with a simple touch... but no. Nothing. No gentle bioelectric pulse of apology, or confidence, or even uncertainty. Just confusion and the overwhelming, terrifying intimacy of Ryder's hands on their _jinesh._ They had absolutely no idea what to do.

"Jaal?" Ryder's fingers shifted against their chest as they spoke.

"It's ahh..." Jaal wrapped their hands gently around Ryder's wrists and pushed them back.

Jaal sidestepped Ryder, guilt, confusion, and awkwardness quickly sparking over their _jinesh._ They backed toward the doorway, hands spread wide. The corner of a low box hit the back of their leg, they stumbled one foot up onto it, hopping backward.

"I need some air. Space to think. I'll talk to you later, Ryder." Jaal fled into the snowy rooms of the base.

"Jaal!"

Ryder's confused, hurt expression haunted the back of Jaal's mind for hours, as did the sensation of Ryder's hands on their chest, filling their heart with quiet fear and longing.


End file.
